I wish I could stay
by GleeSavedMe
Summary: Officer Lunchbox Secret Santa gift to lanaprrilla, jenniferjareaus, and all other Golly fans out there. Little story about Holly moving to San Fransisco, Gail tagging along to unpack, some smut and of course a happy ending!


_A/N:_ This is my Officer Lunchbox Secret Santa gift to _lanaprrilla_, _jenniferjareaus_, and all other Golly fans out there. This is my first M-rated story about these two, so yeah, there is your smut warning. Hope you like it.

Happy Hollydays to you all (Word pun intended).

_Disclaimer: I don't own the show, nor it's characters. I just wrote this fan fiction about Rookie Blue. And all the characters, places and other things related to Rookie Blue used in this fan fiction are the properties of their respective owners. For fans, by fans._

Enjoy! (;

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><p>The apartment I lived in was bigger, the people I worked with were different. The city I woke up in each morning, was not the city I wanted to fall asleep in at night. I hadn't as many friends as I had when I was back in Toronto, but so far, San Francisco had been everything I ever dared to dream of. And even though I loved the new city, absolutely adored it. I somehow felt incomplete here. I don't know if it's because of her, even though I'm pretty sure it is. We hadn't known each other for a very long time, eight months and eleven days to be precise, but leaving her behind was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. And even though all she had to do was ask me to stay. Even though, that were the only words I had wanted to hear leave her mouth, she had told me to go. So that's exactly what I did.<p>

I looked up from the old picture, the old memories that I was holding in my hand, to the spot next to me on the bed, that was still empty. Even though I had a queen sized bed, I never slept on the left side. Which was _her_ side of the bed. It was where she had slept that night when I moved into the apartment, after we had spent a lovely week together in the beautiful city, I was now supposed to call home. It was the spot, she had always slept in, whenever the two of us would find ourselves in bed together. So, even though she wasn't here right now, even though I knew she wouldn't come, I still let it empty, for her.

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><p>"<em>Gail! Gail come out of the box." I said laughing. It was a weird sight, to see Gail sitting with her butt in an empty moving box, as her beautiful tall pale legs hung over the carton side.<em>

"_I really don't want to get on that plane tomorrow." She said with a pout. Oh hell to the no Peck, you know I can't stand it when you're doing that thing with your mouth and those sparkling blue eyes turn into a sad ocean._

"_I mean, I know I have to go home, and in some way I want to go home, for Sophie. But I really wish I could stay for just a little while longer." _

"_Gail.." _

"_I know." She had cut you off, immediately knowing what you had wanted to say. That's just how your relationship worked. You wished she could stay forever, and you had wanted to ask her that. You wanted to ask her to stay with you, but you couldn't. Because Gail had a little eight-year-old girl waiting for her in Toronto, and you had your dream job right here. It was kind of ironic, how off the timing really was. A year ago, you had wanted nothing more but this job, right now you weren't sure if you were making the right decision in coming here in the first place at all. But just like you wouldn't ask Gail to stay, she hadn't asked you to stay either. So what did that mean? There was no way we could both get what we wanted, and we both wanted the other to be happy, even if that meant not being happy ourselves. So, she had to go back, we both knew it, even though we both liked to lie to ourselves that she hadn't, that she could just stay. _

_I watched her a little longer as she sat in that box, it was adorable, but heartbreaking at the same time. I tried to figure out what to say to her, as I reached my hand out, so she could take it, since there was no way she could get her small butt out of the box by herself. As I pulled her up and she was standing on her feet again._

"_Gail, you know I would love for you to stay. Really, there is pretty much nothing I would want more at this moment, but I don't want to be the reason for Sophie to not have a mom. For you to not be a mom." I told her honestly. It was the mature thing to say, not what my heart said. My heart said she could stay, she could stay for as long as she wanted. We could do amazing things together, I'd go to work at the research institute and come home to her after. While she worked at the local police station, or maybe even homeland security, and we would have every night together. But I knew I couldn't ask that from her. I didn't want to. I wanted her to get Sophie, to be a mom to her. I wanted them to at least have each other in a world where everyone else seemed to abandon them, apparently myself included. _

"_I know. It just stings. My mom always used to say that success is ninety percent luck and ten percent timing. I guess our timing was just off."_

_I didn't know what to say anymore. We had talked about this so many times during the last two weeks, that I had run out of words to say in return. She wouldn't even tag along to San Francisco to unpack with me in the first place, but she said that if she could not come with me than at least she wanted to know where I would be staying and stuff. So I had given in, as usual._

"_Could you please pass me the box behind you?" I asked as I ignored what she had just said._

_She looked hurt. Hurt that I had decided to stop this useless argument neither of us could win. But she turned around and grabbed the box I had been asking for._

_We had unpacked almost all of my stuff as we plopped down on my couch, I ended up half on her lap, even though the couch was big enough to fit at least five of us. We sat there in silence for a while, just enjoining each other's company. We didn't need words, we just needed each other._

"_I'm really sorry about the glasses I dropped earlier today." She suddenly spoke._

"_I know. You already said sorry for that honey." I said as I placed a soft kiss on her cheek._

"_I know." She said. "I'm really glad I came along to see where you live now. The apartment is gorgeous, even better than the one in Toronto, and I really, really liked that one. Especially, you know the couch, your bed, and oh well the bathtub, kitchen counter, stairs and-" _

"_Enough!" I said as I playfully slapped her. _

"_Were you really gonna sum-up all the places we had sex in at my apartment?" I saw the sparkling in her eyes return, once she realized I had caught on to that. The sparkling I had fallen in love with, eight months and eleven days ago. That sparkling that still made my stomach do weird lovesick turns right here, right now._

"_What can I say they were all my favorite places." Gail says with a playful smirk. "It's hard to choose."_

"_Of course they were." I said smiling, before day dreaming of in what of course had also been my favorite places about my old apartment for the last seven months. _

_Even though I had been lost in thoughts for a while, Gail's sparkling blue eyes had never left me. I smiled at her, which caused her lips to curl up as well. Watching her like this, I realized that it where the little private moments, the once where she let her guard down, and let me fully see her, that I loved most about her. _

_I leaned forward to place my lips on hers. _

"_I love you Gail." I said as I rested my head on her chest._

"_I love you too Hols." She said as she gently placed a soft peck on top of my head._

_I woke up a few hours later, or at least it felt like a few hours. I opened my eyes, after blinking a few times, not knowing where the bright light in front of me was coming from. I heard the TV playing in the background and soon realized that the bright light in front of me must have come from the television. I didn't remember putting it on, which was confirmed once I opened my eyes and saw that I was still on my couch in the same spot as I had fallen asleep in before, my head still resting on Gail's chest._

"_Hi." I said sleepy. My voice sounding so soft that I wasn't sure if she had heard me. But as soon as I saw her smile grow when she realized I was awake, I knew she had._

"_Hi." She whispered back as she placed a kiss on top of my head. "I turned on the television. Hope that's okay." She said blushing. "I kept the volume really low, so you wouldn't wake up."_

"_Huh what. Yeah, no. Of course that's okay Gail." I said as I sat up a little. "How.. How long have I been asleep?" I asked while trying to wipe the sleep from my eyes with my hands._

"_An hour and a half, I guess." She said as she looked to the clock._

"_Gail. Why didn't you just wake me up?" I felt guilty for falling asleep. Especially since this would be our last night together for a while. Tomorrow she would go back to Toronto and I would stay here in San Fransisco._

"_It's okay, really. I uhm- I like watching you sleep." She admitted as her cheeks turned a little pink. "You look so adorable, so peaceful." _

_This time it was my turn to blush. "You're insane. You know that right?" I said teasingly._

"_So, I was told." She said as she crushed her lips with mine. She took me off guard for a second, but soon I found our rhythm and our lips fitted perfectly together, like they were made to fit only with each other. She pulled back, and before her lips were too far from mine, she quickly added another quick peck before her lips left mine once again._

_I yawned, still tired from my nap._

"_You tired?" She asked._

_I looked over to the clock. 10.30, it wasn't even that late yet. But we had been setting up my apartment and unpacking the entire week, so that was probably the reason for my tiredness._

_I nodded, followed by another yawn, as I answered her question. "Kind of."_

"_Let's go to bed baby." She said as she was trying to get up from beneath me. I got up from her lap and I walked towards my new room. I grabbed one of my old University shirts for Gail and a tank top for myself, which would function as our pajamas. I threw the shirt towards Gail, who was just walking into the room. _

_We walked to the bathroom, as we brushed our teeth, standing next to each other as none of us spoke a word. I secretly watched her the entire time in the mirror. Once I saw her eyes finding mine, I almost choked on the toothpaste in my mouth. The suddenly eye contact in the mirror taking me off guard for a second, even though things like this happened all the time between us. My cheeks turned pink and a small smile was showing on my face. She smiled back, forcing the smile on my face to only grow wider. We both didn't say anything as we continued brushing our teeth and leaving the bathroom after we had finished. She left first, to be followed only seconds later by me as I turned off the light before closing the door. _

_I stayed in the door for a while, enjoining what I saw in front of me before entering my bedroom. There she was, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life, sitting on the edge of my bed, her back towards me. She lifted her shirt up pretty elegant, like those models do in a lingerie commercial, as she was changing into my shirt, causing me to smirk. Oh, how I loved it when she wore my clothes to bed. _

_I climbed on the right side of the bed, as I crawled on my knees over to the side she had been sitting on. I placed my soft lips on her collarbone and I could feel her body tense under the sudden warm touch that my lips left on her body. _

_A small moan escaped her mouth. "Hol." She moaned out, as she turned around a little, so my lips would lose touch with her exposed neck. "It will be really hard to stop if we go there." _

"_Who said I would want to stop?" I asked her, as I continued to kiss and nib the exposed skin on her collarbone._

"_Holly, you're tired. We had a long day. I don't want you to do anything you will regret in the morning."_

"_No regrets." I said before I started to suck a little harder on the spot on her collarbone I had been teasing for a while. _

_A soft moan escaped Gail's mouth. "Oh God. Hol, that feels so good."_

_I stopped, to look at Gail. The dark red mark I had left on her collarbone standing out to the oh so pale skin I loved. There was a pretty huge mark and I was positive that Gail would have that hickey for several days, but I didn't care. It was a sign of passion, a sign of love. _

_I crawled over to the edge of the bed as I sat down next to her. So I wasn't facing her back anymore, I removed her, or well technically it was my shirt, from her body, exposing her beautiful naked breast that had been hidden underneath. I crushed our lips together. Gail returning the kiss, before I even had a change to deepen it. She begged me for entrance, and I opened my mouth a little, letting her tongue dance with mine. Both of our tongues fighting for dominance. She was desperate, unable to stop or restrain herself as she started to pull on the shirt I was still having on. I broke the kiss for a second, only to help her take off my shirt, as we both immediately crushed our lips against one another, before I even had a change to drop the offending object to the floor. I placed my hands on either side of her cheeks, as her hands where tangled in my hair._ I _gave her a gentle push as we fell backward on the bed voluntarily, our lips never breaking contact with each other._

_Kissing Gail was like having your first kiss over and over again. That feeling when your stomach does these lovesick turns and you just want to puke. Puke of love, because there are too many butterflies flying around in your stomach, so you need to let them out. The feeling like you're flying while those soft lips brush against your own. _

_I pressed my hips to hers and her legs parted willingly. I needed her touch; her hands on my body, as or lips kept stroking each other's. Our tongues never stopping their dance routine. Suddenly she stopped kissing me, and for a moment I was scared that I was doing something wrong, butthen she started to unbutton my jeans. "You are wearing so many clothes. Why are you wearing so many clothes?" She said offended._

_Damn, why was I wearing a skinny jeans again? I stood up, as my hand went down so I could unbutton my own jeans. It kept stuck at my ankles but when I pulled on it one more time it dropped to the floor. "Where were we again?" I said teasingly, as Gail reached out to put her arms around me._

"_Come here." She said, her mouth talking to my naked torso, her lips tickling my stomach while she spoke the words. She pulled me a little closer as she dropped herself back on the bed and carefully pulled me back on top with her. My face landed somewhere around her navel, which I saw as the perfect opportunity to start kissing around it. A small moan escaped from Gail's throat, while I kept placing kisses on her stomach. _

_Kissing the exposed body underneath me, I slowly kissed my way down, until I reached the fabric of the jeans she was still wearing. I unbuttoned the button of her pants, which exposed an extra part of her beautiful pale skin, that was screaming for me to just kiss it._

_"Holly, please." Gail begged. "I need to feel you closer."_

_I know she needed to. I could tell it by the way her body was reacting every time I placed a kiss that became even closer to her center. But I wouldn't give in so easy. This wasn't just sex, this was us making love. I wanted us to remember this night as one of the best we had ever shared._

_She started to buck her hips up, as she wanted to let me know how badly she needed me. I pulled on her jeans one time, as it slid along her beautiful legs, down to her ankles, where it kept stuck, just as mine had a few minutes ago. She kicked her left leg once and the jeans fell to the ground. I started to place kisses in her thigh. Starting in the middle, and ending close to the fabric of her panties. Her hands tangled in my hair, holding on to it. I started to place more and more kisses around the fabric, as the moans kept escaping Gail's mouth. _

_After a few more mouse kisses around her center, I went back up to her lips. Stroking her soft perfect lips with my own as my hand cupped her naked breast and started to play with her nipples. A loud moan escaped from my throat. God, I wanted her, I wanted her so bad. I was cupping on breast in my hand, softly stroking her hard nipple, as I started to place soft kisses around her other nipple. Without a warning I started to suck on it really hard, causing Gail to moan out my name._

_She was close. I could see it in the way her body was reacting under my touch. I could hear it in the sounds of her breathing, and as my hand traveled down and touched the fabric of her panties, I could feel it. She was soaking. _

"_Please." She begged as she felt my hand on her center, still on top of her panties. "Please H-" But before she could speak my name I pushed a finger inside her. The loudest moan I had ever heard coming from her throat, filling the room. I smirked, as I started to move my finger in and out. Her breathing became heavier as I picked up a rhythm, and the grip in my hair tightened, all signs that she was already really close to that edge._

_I kissed her. I kissed her again, as I let my lips on her lips for a little longer than I had the first time. I could feel her rocking against my hand, desperately needing more friction. "I'm so close baby." She moaned out. To be honest, seeing her all soaking underneath me, the things I had done to her body, the things I was still doing, I had gotten pretty close myself. She bit my lip, I nearly screamed as my body began to shake and I could feel her bucking against my hand. She was almost there, and so was I. I entered another finger, her moan so loud, I was scared my new neighbors might hear it. But I didn't care. I didn't care about anything but giving her the most amazing orgasm she had ever had. I placed my thumb on her clit, as I curled my fingers inside her and we climaxed together._ Moaning each other's names. _ She pulled her hand away from my hair to grip the blanket beneath her, as her body raised up a little, riding out her orgasm. While my body was still trying to recover from its own. I was lying on top of Gail, while we were both gasping for air, trying to recover from our mind-blowing orgasms._

"_That was…"_

"_Amazing." I finished her. "I know." I said as I locked my lips with hers once again._

_We just laid there for a while. Enjoining each other's company. Whispering "I love you" into each other's ears every once in a while, while we kept stealing little mouse pecks._

_After a good thirty minutes, I thought Gail had fallen asleep. I could hear her breathing getting heavier, but as soon as the room started to fill with little sobs, I knew I had been wrong. She hadn't started breathing heavier because she had fallen asleep, she was crying._

"_Gail, sweetie are you okay?" I asked while softly kissing the back of her neck, since I was spooning her from behind._

"_Yes." She said quietly trying to hide the fact that she was crying, but I knew better. Even though her mouth may have said yes, I knew her heart was screaming no. I could hear it in her voice, I could feel it as her body started to shake a little with every sob. _

"_No you're not." I said calm, my voice really soft, I had to keep my voice soft and sweet, if I wanted to know what was going on. I stroke a strand of hair out of her face, as my fingers touched something wet on her cheek. If I hadn't been sure she was crying, I sure was now. _

"_Gail, please talk to me." I begged her, my fingers softly stroking her hair._

"_I'm scared Hol. I'm scared that this." She stopped her sentence, rolled over and faced me, and continued her sentence like she had never stopped. "Isn't gonna work out. That the distance will be too much to handle." Gail said, while I noticed a tear escaping the corner of her eye._

_I understood where this was going to, I was scared too. But I had to stay strong, I couldn't show her that I was just as scared as she was. One of us had to hold it together, right? So I did what I knew best and started talking._

"_Distance between two people doesn't matter Gail." I said soft, trying to comfort her. I don't know if I was talking soft because we were laying in the dark, or if it was because I was scared too. I wanted to finish my sentence, but before I could her beautiful, shaking voice, which she only used when she was sad and scared at the same time, broke my words._

"_How do you know that?" She asked with a sob as she brought her hand to her cheek to dry the tear that was making its way down her cheek. Those sad blue puppy eyes staring back in mine as we were facing each other._

"_Because there will always be the sky that unites them." I told her with the same calmness I had before. I sighted as the top of our noses touched each other. That's how close her face was facing mine, I could literally see the hurt inside of her eyes. They seemed to be just a shade darker than they usually were. _

_To see her this heartbroken, scared look in her eyes, only hurt me more than she could ever imagine it would. But I would never show her how much it really got me, because even though Gail usually was the tough one out of the two of us. It was very clear that she was no longer able to put on a brave face. And since there was no way she could, I had to do it. Yes, it was hard, but I would do way worse to myself for her if I had to._

"_That's beautiful." Gail said. "I like that." She said with a smile, even though there was still a tear rolling down her cheek._

"_We will figure this out baby. I promise." I said as I brought my thumbs up to her cheek to wipe the warm tears away from her face. _

"_I love you." She smiled._

"_I love you too Gail." I said as I nuzzled my naked body closer to hers. _

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><p>Most days in a year don't really stand out. They start with the sunlight and end with the moonlight, mostly without lasting memories. Most days don't have any impact in your life. You easily forget what people tell you, what they did, but you will never forget how they made you feel. I knew this<p>

day was one of the rare ones you'll remember for the rest of your life.

The next day I prepared myself for a long plane-ride back to Toronto. As soon as I had landed I grabbed my stuff and dropped them in the rental car, getting out of here as soon as I could. If I would leave now, I would be in time to surprise Gail after her shift at the station.

After driving for several minutes, I drove into the neighborhood I knew like the back of my hand. It was weird, it was almost like coming home. I mean it wasn't really that weird, I had been living here my entire life, but right now my home was supposed to be in San Francisco. Except, San Francisco hadn't felt like home since Gail had gotten on that plane ride back to Toronto two months ago. I knew I didn't belong in San Francisco, as long as Gail was here.

I decided to drive straight to fifteen Division since Gail's shift was coming to an end and my old place was rented out to some young family for another year and a half anyway. I drove into the parking lot of fifteen, getting greeted by some familiar officers, whose name I didn't seem to remember. I turned off the engine of the car, and decided I would just wait here for Gail to leave the station.

I leaned my back against the door of the rental car as I waited several minutes, which felt like hours. I got scared I had missed her, that she had left before the other officers I had seen leaving. But then I saw the familiar platinum blonde hair walking through the doors. I couldn't see her face, 'cause she was facing the ground. But I would recognize that haircut anywhere. She looked a little sad. I was sad too, to see her walk alone. Where were Chris and Dov?

"You need a ride ma'am?" I asked, her face looking up immediately.

She scanned the area with her blue pierced eyes as she saw me standing next to the unfamiliar car. My eyes caught hers and I slowly saw that twinkling I loved so much return in my favorite color of blue.

"Holly!" She yelled, once she realized I was really standing there. She dropped her bag to the floor and started running in my direction. Before I could realize what was happening she shot her arms around my neck and jumped up, embracing my waist with her legs. She nuzzled her nose in my neck. I put my arms tight around her, holding her up.

"I missed you so much." She said, her lips speaking into my neck, as she started to place little kisses all over my neck, up to my cheek, until she reached my lips. A tear escaped my eye, once I realized how much I had missed them.

"Yeah, me too." I said smiling between happy tears, before crashing our lips together once again.

And right there with her legs around my waist, her arms tight around my neck, her lips on my lips, I realized that there was no way, I would ever get on my plane back to San Francisco in five days. So, I made a mental note to write my letter of resignation as soon as I got home.

_Because home is nothing but two arms holding you tight when you need it the most._


End file.
